Saturn, envy and the starving artist/healer syndrome

Working hand in hand with Saturn these days through diverse avenues and delving into it as a preliminary of necessity to approaching our deeper wounds and more hidden resources, I am observing the way in which one of the so called «negative» qualities this infallible Master triggers in us is envy. This fact, far from being a further excuse for us to judge or condemn ourselves, is a clear invitation to open new doors in our potential for those of us who will not buy easily into skepticism or into a plane lack of curiosity (both of which appear to be pretty saturnian «vices»). Every day and in every way I am more in awe when observing Saturn´s subtly chameleonic, uncanny nature- as one of the authorities on this planetary energy, Liz Greene, suggests in her seminal book «A new look at an old devil».

In the myth, Kronos devoured his children as they were born not only because he must have been held hostage to, possessed by, his fear of being de-throned by those jupiterean younger, but most importantly because he must have felt unable to handle his inadequacy when facing such tangible, alive evidence of new potential and upsurging creativity promised in the newly born. The Child is inherently creative and, when free and unrestrained, it naturally and infectiously shares its relentless drive for discovery, spills it over the world like an artist in a trance of inspiration… provided s-he is still unchecked, if not punished, by conditioning and the unconscious alliances of ancestral DNA. More often than not, that rich drive will be squeezed into shape by role modelling and alarmed parental figures who will do anything to prevent the child,s creative magic from further threatening their statu-quo. The more unconscious these people in charge are, the more they will tend to feel insulted  by that young who spills its inventiveness without asking for permission, swiftly brings ideas into shape disregarding any perfectionism and displays, moreover, the courage to be experimental with its creations leaving any judgments aside. Most certainly, it will be the «system» and the culture generally speaking with their codes, rules and restrictions that will sustainedly erode the Child´s cosmic impulses. And this is neither good or bad- it is just what it is, and we want to be conscious about the ways in which we technically create reality out of that.

At this stage, it seems at least likely that Kronos would devour his children driven by sheer envy. Being unconscious, this envy triggered a shadow, projective, tyrannic and cruel behavior which could only generate fear, destruction, alienation and polarization. Just notice how this keeps on being so alive at both the microcosm and the macrocosm levels- we only have to look at the political arena all over the countries in the world and see the upsurge of fascism, or the increasing popularity of shadow kings defending the old, obsolete order using fear and victimization not only as a tool but also as an excuse…

On a more intimate and inter-personal level, envy not only «fates» us toward those we feel attracted to, whether that attraction is more or less pleasant, more or less conscious and sort of out of a true gravitational pulse, but also «fascinates» us … due to the unappealable feeling of guilt, resentment and inadequacy it conjures in us. In those cases when not yet enough spiritual maturity has been earned, we will tend to first condemn, anatagonize or even demonize the one(s) who has summoned our Shadow and set the door to our unconscious mind open… and it will be a matter of saturnian perseverance combined with a healthy dose of Child curiosity that we let ourselves go into the next phase, where the trigger of envy can become a messenger and a counsellor that facilitates our intro-jecting the whole of the material that has come out of the carpet, despite our wounded ego´s best efforts!. Acceptance as a key to not feeling compelled to judge what is going on in oneself and others ( which will be pretty much the same thing, only seen through apparently mutually excluding poles) is usually underestimated in most cultures- as far as I know, our cultures would not invite us to include, but rather propel us to exclude by inviting us to polarize ourselves into self-definition and tribalization, thus fostering narcissism and self-abandonment in the uncanniest ways.

Envy is an e-motion that we produce so that we can fall on our capricornian knees and honor the creative impulses in us and all the consequences this may involve. It is a request for spiritual maturity which has a price attached to it. Developing Saturnian clarity  is key if we want to reestablish our own values and priorities, and reaching that level of honesty does usually imply one´s renouncing to inmediate gratification, our giving up of compulsive distraction and lack of accountability. Since so much renouncing and the acquisition of so many «new» responsibilities may feel overwhelming, most of us will prefer to stay lost in the labyrinth of our confusion and swallow every impulse that might lead us into a more comprehensive, all-inclusive understanding of who we are.

For those of us in the healing arts, the Healer, the Astrologer and the Artist may be, most desirably, facets of the same diamond that we will keep on polishing through effort and dedication in our developmental process. The so-called system, the culture, society and every instrument designed to contain us tend to perpetuate the split between spirit and matter, since those of us who attempt to live a holistic life ( from the greek holos, meaning «whole») de facto are a challenge and a threat to the statu quo of the people and institutions that thrive on the very perpetuation of that split… So, is it so strange after all that so many of us have been programmed to feel ashamed, inadecuate and fearful of our own creativity and, thus, have been conditioned to deny our ability to believe that we are alive just because we may be of transformative service to others?

It is in the quantum soup of this denial, from which envy springs as a symptom of our inability to accept our creativity as our own birthright, that syndromes such as the starving healer, the starving/suffering artist are constellated. Any subconscious(?) beliefs that we hold such as » in order to be spiritual you must give up, surrender things that you need, like and appreciate, mostly your sexuality, your money and possessions»- as we were indoctrinated to do by monoteistic religions so that they could preserve their control and power over the masses-, we are the ones to decide whether we want to keep on sticking to them to our own detriment. Envy is the non-rational excuse, albeit susceptible of being rationalized, that our psyche generates to show us the way in which we tend to scapegoat those who freely express themselves and cross our path as synchronistic blessings in diguise. Lots of damnation, lots of judgment and trial, defamation and disqualification – mainly aimed to women and those who are different or part of a minority for some reason – how many people and souls burnt to ashes in the fires of itinerant inquisitions… before we accept and Love, before we take responsibility for everything going on in us, in the womb of our psyche, of which everything that occurs «out there» is only a reflection.

If we do not acknowledge, assume and take action in order to heal inside of us this syndrome that we to a lesser o greater extent identify with, no matter if we self-proclaim as spiritual people or not, our aspirations to transitioning into an Acuarian age may be aborted : our ingrained beliefs and unconscious allegiances fill our gut with rocks, severing our relationship with our own resources and talents. It is through making the most of our scarcity syndromes running rampant that many are let to finish off with our planet, its resources and the diversity of species in it. And they do so in the shadow of the unconsciousness and rebellious self-victimization of those who claim a re-distribution of wealth but will not accept or understand that, to begin with, what is most urgent is their own awakening and their dealing with their own Shadow…

Let me encourage you not only to have a good and real look at the Saturn-Venus contacts in your natal chart, whether those are implicit or explicit, and get inmersed in the archetypes that they invloke, but also set your feet on the groud and ask yourself why or if you tend to avoid the responsibility of accepting that healers/astrologers/shamans, etc who serve others must be corresponded with a material compensation for the time, energy, effort and resources they invested in serving you. Would you hire a cab or step onto a bus assuming that the ride might be» 0 cost» for you? That is so obvious: You just would not… because the system trained you to pay for the ride and the service you are being rendered!. Of course, a cab ride will rarely be a challenge to anyone who wants things to stay the same- convention works fine in those cases!.

So, why do we tend to deny the evidence that people in the healing arts also eat, get dressed and pay their bills, AND are involved in an occupation in the same way as a dentist or a grocer is? Most importantly: why do we tend to engulf and negate others´creativity rather than investing a cent in – paying for- our own spiritual development and support their practice? , why do we assume that something, if spiritual, should be free, unexpensive and self-lessly given away?  We can hardly evolve as a collective and as a species if we keep on ruling ourselves through such parameters, since by fostering those beliefs we are feeding the split between Heaven and Earth – the judeochristian split, which many try to soothe by embracing atheism or other more exotic religions.

Conversely, and seeing always our own reflection as conveyed through the opposed and complementary pole, why many of us in the healing arts tend to self-blame or feel guilty for what we charge, always afraid that we charge too much, or unclear about what we should charge for the value of what we are offering?  why do we even feel tempted to not charge at all so that we can feel that we are pleasing everyone but ourselves and then we fit better into what is generally believed about spirituality?

¿What is it that hinders us from believing firmly and wholy in the value of what we do?

  In my opinion it is our programming, the unconscious allegiances that we hold and our inherited feeling of inadecuacy: the belief that we are not enough and that our intrinsic value is defined by something external or «given».  Our pillars of conditioning, the wounds that we can technically track through Saturn and Chiron in the natal chart, and which the system globally reinforces in so many ways, are there to be understood, accepted and loved into something different in each and everyone of us.

Let us lovingly tend to our Saturn-Venus contacts in order to, among other things, be willing to appreciate and value self-expression and its messages, no matter how inconvenient, from a place of authenticity and truth. It is in the gratitude of that instant that new potential un-veils for us and old programming starts to change, since a new relationship with our second chakra is enabled to emerge that empowers us beyond anything we know…

This is a pretty realistic reflection, perhaps uncomfortable and inconvenient, but to me it is as necessary as the Love that Saturn provides.

Rosana Cueto Merayo, June 2018 envidia-676x401
Quiron natal e interpretación carta natal

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